i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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