Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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