Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
