I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
