I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
