I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
