I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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