6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
