Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
