we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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