Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
