Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
