He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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