I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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