Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
