We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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