I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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