I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
