Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
