How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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