meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he was CRYING into my vagina
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
