butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
