Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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