When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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