i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
