I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
