Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
