my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
