What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
last night I used snow as a chaser
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