Me too!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
