the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
