Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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