did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im holly from the hills drunk
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
