Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
