after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Randomize
