I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
