Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
