Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
