they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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