I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
