then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
