Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
