it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
