Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
