I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
