Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We have so much sex to catch up on
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
