I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
