mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
