Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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