make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Randomize
