it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
