at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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