bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You took a bar mat shot.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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