this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
