it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
