Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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